By Jenny Ortiz
Sometimes I sit here under the night sky, wondering why.
Why was I given life, why was I brought to this earth?
Was it only to get hurt?
Since day one that I was in my mother’s womb, I was a problem? A problem from the start! She tried to abort me many times, but for some reason I stayed! Stayed alive in her womb even though she didn’t want me!
When I was born, it was worse, no one to love me and care for me like a mother or father should, just tossed around from home to home like I was a used toy! Until finally my aunt took me in under her arms to take care of me, until she had her own family.
Then again I was brought to another home, one where I wasn’t really welcomed, my dad’s house where his girlfriend didn’t even know he had a daughter, so again I was a bother. From age 5 I started to hate my life, trying to understand why?
If I didn’t even know what was right or wrong, why did I have to suffer on and on! At the age 7 I was violated by my dad’s friend, which is a story I don’t even want to begin! All I know is that day my childhood was taken away! When I tried to call out for help, I was seen as the little girl looking for attention. Something that I never even wanted to mention. Because I knew no one would believe me, I was always the invisible, someone you couldn’t see!
Time went by, where I went to school and tried to be the best student I could! I loved to learn and play, even though sometimes I didn’t even want to wake up on some days! Things were good for a while, until something else happened that kept me in denial! Once again I was violated by someone so close to me, someone who was supposed to protect me!!! That just killed me more inside, to the point I just wanted to die. At the age of 14, so young and still naive!
Didn’t know what to do or say! Didn’t know if I should go or stay!
Tried to tell my step mom, but I was just a teenager looking for atención once again, couldn’t believe no one believed me and actually rather be dead!
Once again under the night sky, trying to figure out why, was I really brought to this earth was it just to get hurt?
At the age of 17 I went to the streets trying to find someone nice to meet! I met a man who I thought had a good plan. Everything went so fine until one day I was hit so hard I thought I was going to be blind! The abuse went on and on! But I wasn’t strong, I was too weak and scared to leave, thinking that once again no one would believe me! So I just held it in, dealt with the abuse since I was so dumb, thinking it was a form of showing love!
I tried to commit suicide many times, but ended up staying alive, once again under the night sky, just asking why!
I ended up with two beautiful girls, who were the only thing that mattered in my world! As time went by, I finally started to realize, I had something good in life! I worked and cared for my girls, until a new good man came into my world! As young as he was, he showed me attention and love! Most importantly he fathered my girls and loved them as if they were his!
A few months later he introduced me to God’s word, something that needed to be heard! It helped me realize who I am, and that God actually has a plan! Later on, I got married and had two more girls who are also a big part of my world! They all give me the strength I need to be strong and live and to go on. In 2008 I made the best decision of my life, which was to dedicate to Jehovah God! Thanks to him 10 years later I can actually sit under the night sky and finally understand why I was giving life !
It wasn’t to be hurt, I was to live and learn, and be strong for what is to come along and to learn that no matter what we go through, we should never give up! Because we all have someone up in the sky, who wants to see us alive!
Thank you Jehovah for loving me for who I am and wanting to help me realize why I’m here!
I wasn’t just a mistake that happened to appear, I am a daughter of yours who loves you dear!
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